These are not the kind of questions a pastor should be asking. Spiritual leaders are supposed to have worked these things out already. Perhaps it is okay in this case. I’m a part-time local pastor and a student, still. Maybe I don’t have to be a gleaming paragon of Christianity yet.
The readings from the gospel the last couple of weeks have been challenging for me.
I am not rich by the standards of America. But I am comfortable by the standards of nearly all the world. And while I would not consider my diet luxurious, my belly fat would indicate that I eat enough to support more than one starving child.
Of course, I don’t see these things about myself. Not at first. At first, I hear Christians and pastors talking about their sports cars and their expensive vacations and $10,000 wedding dresses and I cluck my tongue at their lack of gospel faithfulness. “They love money too much,” the voice in my head says.
And I feel pretty smug about it all.
Until I slow down long enough to study my own heart.
If I were a bachelor, maybe it would not be the case. I could live without much in the way of material comforts. But the life of a father and husband is not the life of a monk. So, how do you “earn all you can,” in Wesley’s terms without letting that get in the way of God? How do you do you trust enough in God to let go of anxiety about how your children will be taken care of or whether you’ll have somewhere to live that is clean and safe?
These questions remind me how far from Jesus I still am. By God’s grace I hope for wisdom and strength and faith.
Oh wait, that is next week’s gospel reading.